That Time Again

So...It's getting closer and closer to Zach deploying again...Yes he's leaving. Where to, when, for how long...You probably already know that I can't say. Not until it happens. Security reasons and all. But the point is that he is leaving. And I will be alone with three children under the age of 5...alone...Out numbered, playing mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt and uncle.

God grant me serenity. To accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...Might I add too...The patience to raise my children with faith, love and happiness, patience to deal with unending whining, sleepless teething nights, tantrums and tears, heart ache and fears. And the ability to remember every detail to share with our hero.

Yes this is the life we chose together, this is the price we pay to have financial security, a roof over our heads, food on our table, medical coverage we can count on...at least count on if we get online at exactly midnight to make the appointments, Which by the way, makes for a cranky day the next day, not just for me, but everyone else. Especially if the website is not working, then I have to call at EXACTLY 7AM to sit on the phone for 20 minutes, only to be told that, sorry maam there aren't anymore appointments for today, you can call tomorrow morning, or we can give you a referral.

Oh exscuse me, I digress. What was I saying, oh yes...This is the price we pay, as a family, as a husband and wife, to have the security of knowing that he won't loose his job and we won't be out on the streets. Yes, Yes, this is the price we pay, but you know what? It doesn't mean I have to like it, to enjoy it, and it certainly does NOT mean that I have to sit here for X amount of months, smiling like an idiot and telling people when they ask me "How are you holding up" "OH, I am just fine, we are all fine, the kids are fine, Zach is fine" Damn...So not the answer I'd like to give. You know what I want to say? "No I'm not holding up just FINE! I'm tired, stressed, worn out, I've been up all night with a fussy baby, my 5 year old crys for her daddy, my 3 year old asks for him non stop, I wait up all night for his phone calls, then he doesn't call and I worry more. I stay awake all night doing laundry and exercizing because I can't sleep without him near me. Am I doing fine? No I am not...But you know what else? I'm damned proud of the job he does, I'm proud of the man he is, I'm proud of the family we've created. I look forward to the phone calls, the emails, and most of all the reunion."

Zach will be leaving soon. I'm scared to death, I'm terrified. Can I take care of all three girls, alone, no help? Yes I have my friends here, Kate, Sam, you guys are amazing and I know I can count on you to be there for me...But this is my game to play. I can't have someone constantly there to bail me out. Can I go for the next few months without loosing my temper? Getting frustrated day in and day out? Can I sit here at home, going about my daily life, while he is there, so far away from me? From our family our home? Can I take our daughter to kindergarten on the first day of school and not cry? Can I go to church each Sunday and not feel him standing by me, with his arm around me? Passing the baby back and forth? Can I hear the phone ring and not feel my heart race with excitement only to be let down for the 3rd day in a row? YES I CAN!!! Oh it will be hard, it won't be fun..BUT I've done it twice and I can certainly do it again. This time will be different, that's for sure, but I can do it :) I've got a man that loves me, that does what he must to take care of us. The least I can do is take care of his family and keep the home fires burning for when he returns.

Easter, Family and Furr Babies

We all had a wonderful Easter this year. I went out and bought 250 plastic eggs, a bunch of candy and 10 dollars in quarters, Kate, Sam, and I stuffed all the eggs one night when all the little ones had gone to bed. It rained all day Easter, quite a bit, so our outdoor egg hunt was cancelled. Sam and Kate and the great idea of each of us taking a bag full of eggs and going to our houses and hiding the eggs in the front rooms. Since we all live like 2 houses away from eachother, a little rain didn't hurt us. The kids all had so much fun, and are still packing away the candy.

We have a big weekend this weekend! Grandma Nina, Grandpa Wayne, Abbie and Julie (our nieces) are flying in from Florida to visit for a week!!! We haven't seen Abbie and Julie since November 2007 when Julie was 4 weeks old! Today is a cleaning day as I have to get the girls' bedroom and playroom spotless...Their new bunkbeds are being delivered tomorrow between 11-1pm. It's about time we got Toni her own bed too. Since we moved here, they've been sleeping in a twin bed together. Then it's onto the rest of the house, clean the bathrooms, our bedroom, the nursery, then Zach is doing the yard and the basement...Which reminds me, I still have so much laundry to do.

Onto other news...The furr babies eyes (all but 1) have opened and boy are they cuties!! I have been weighing them and holding each one for a few minutes a day to get them used to me and as of this week I've started letting friends hold them. I want them to be well socialized so that they will be great family additions. We are keeping one, but we are letting daddy pick out the kitty we keep. Hercules picked us, I picked Tula, and now it's Daddy's turn. He's such a big softy. He'll be deploying soon and told me one night that we could pick a kitten to keep. He wants the girls to have something to do, as if the dog and 2 cats we have now aren't enough :) We all love animals so it's really not a big deal.

Furr Babies

Early this morning, 1am, Toni crawled in bed with me. At about 1:30am I woke up to see Tula laying on Toni's chest, which she normally only lays on me this way. I reached over and started petting her to get her to laydown. It was then that I noticed my hand was a little damp. I jump out of bed, tell Toni to scoot over, Tula lays down, I pull up her tail and sure enough, there's a bag of water protruding from her back side. I wake Zach up and have him help me herd Tula into the baby's room where I have all the stuff I need to help her with the labor and delivery if she needed me. She wonders around anxiously for about a half hour. To her box in the closet, under the crib, around the rocking chair, onto the rocking chair, down around me, purring and asking for reassurance from me. After about a half hour, she starts screaming YES screaming and crying, she walks to the nursery door and there she has her first baby <3 I had to grab it, she was so scared and I think shocked at what had happened. I pick up the baby, tear the sac away from it's face and rub it and wipe it's face off with a baby wash cloth. It starts mewing!! I take it my fluffy robe I've layed on the floor for Tula, it's her favorite and she sleeps on it all the time. Instincts take over and I sit back and watch. Tula starts to lick her new baby, stimulating it to cry and breath. About 10 minutes later, baby number two comes around. This one and the three after she decides to deliver under the crib. After she's chewed the cord (yes it's gross but that's what they do) I pick up the baby, grab a dry wash cloth and dry it some more, rubbing and keeping it warm until Tula makes her way out from under the crib. After the first two babies, there was a break of about 30-45 minutes, then the next two came. I put the babies in their box, Tula climbed in, rolled over, put her paws around her babies and started purring, feeding her new little ones. I put the box in the closet, closed the closet doors, leaving a gap about a foot wide to allow some light in. I put a bowl of milk, a bowl of water, some food and a fresh litter box in the closet. I checked on them throughout the night and have been checking on them every couple of hours today to make sure they are warm, eating and that Tula-Ru is doing well.

We have a white kitten with a little bit of grey, just a few spots on the head and a grey tail. Baby # 2 is white with a few black spots on the head and a black tail. Baby # 3 is black with a white splotch on the back and a white chest. Baby # 4 looks a lot like Tula, about half and half black and white. The girls have named them, however only one has a name attached to it :)

Baby # 3 the black with a little white is Figaro, THANK YOU SAM!! For the suggestion, it worked out perfect :)

The other names that Eden and Toni picked are : Sarah, Annalisa, and Bridie

I'm thinking that the white kittens will be Sarah and Annalisa and the other black kitten will be Bridie.

All in all, it was a tiring, long night, for both Tula and I. Zach let me sleep in until 11:30 this morning too :) Momma and babies are doing great and I will be posting pictures later on this week.